Sunday, November 30, 2008

Because of HIS Blood...















One week ago tonight I was opened up for emergency surgery.

I was calm, stoic, and peaceful while the nurses and other hospital staff raced around me, but just as with My brother Charlie's near-death experience seven years ago, I blocked off all my emotional sensations during the fiasco. I guess it's my body's default "cope" mechanism, to wait 'till later for that good cry.

It's only now, after I am a week past it and on the mend, that I feel in a deluge of that emotion I successfully put off.

I believe I was fairly coherent during the hours AJ and I spent in the ER, but last night my husband reminded me otherwise.
Since I was concentrating so much on the pain, I missed a lot visually.
While I caught most the words, I missed expressions on faces.
And turned towards the wall and my husband, I didn't notice how many nurses filled my room at once.
Thankfully I am unfamiliar with ER proceedings enough to not know it was extremely unusual for them to station a nurse with me who never left my side. Not once.

At some point in our wait, I heard the comforting voice of my husband talking to me about what a good marriage we've had, and how much fun we've had together.

At the time, I was frustrated to hear these things - they sounded so sentimental, and I was trying to avoid a cry at all costs!
Isn't that pathetic?
My belovedest friend in the whole world comforts me with such sweet loving words, and I think lightly upon it! Moreover, these are not words we throw around at every occasion - they really were very dear.

These reminiscences are what put me over the edge last night. The tears came, and I wanted to thank my beloved, and say all those last things I put off with the emotion last week.
I was ready for the wonderful cleanse that comes from a good cry!

As I poured out my heart to AJ and he reminded me of what I hadn't seen, he told me that I have not grasped how grave the situation was.

I had forgotten that shortly before I began hearing those calming words, the nurses rolled something in behind me, and I heard AJ say

"Wow."

"That doesn't look good."


And unfortunately, she didn't have any calming words for him, to buffer the reality that my vitals were so bad, a crash cart with all the tools necessary for resuscitation was a must.

That is a sobering memory for me, especially as I consider what AJ must have been facing.

Finally being wheeled out of that Emergency room, and on toward the Operating Room, I remember thinking

"I really could die."

"I'm ready - I could meet Jesus tonight!"

and then:


"Lord, please give me a little more time! I know You are taking care of my family, but please...
...just a little more time."


finally, with feelings of great peace, I thought to myself:


"Lord, I'm leaking a lot of blood. I might die. But that's okay, because you already gave YOUR blood for me.
Because of that, my blood doesn't matter!"



That is actually what I thought! Isn't it wonderful?!!

My gratitude is suddenly a mile deeper.
my perspective a little wider,
my thanks fuller,
my love for Him a lot greater,
and my awe over His love for me just continues to grow!

Last night I got my cry, but it was a cry from a grateful heart. I sit here with my husband!
The Lord answered my prayer with a "YES"!
He gave us exactly what we did not deserve!!! Do you understand that? We are not entitled to any good thing we get. All we are entitled to is DEATH.
That's what the ransom price for our sin is, and that is what Jesus Christ paid on the Cross with His blood.

His perfectly blameless blood.

I got exactly what I don't deserve.

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5



Thank You Lord.


In Marvel of His Mercy
~Analene~

9 comments:

Ashley said...

Oh, Analene. Beautiful words. I thank the Lord that he gave you, all of us, what we don't deserve.

In Christ Alone,
Ashley

P.S. How is 'Lina doing?

Momma Bug said...

Thanks dearest Ashley.

'Lina is doing better. Yesterday I found her silver bullet in the form of apple juice. She decided that was an acceptable compromise, so now we'll have to keep diluting it back to water ;-) It's half and half now.

I am glad we've been able to enjoy each other the last couple days - she is SO FUN when she's nice!

Thanks for your prayers!

Diane said...

Analene,

I am glad that God gave you peace throughout this ordeal. I can only imagine the fear that AJ must have been dealing with as he watched his wife is such grave condition. God is so much bigger than us though, and obviously HE is not through with you on earth yet. I am so grateful that God answered your prayer Analene. I am still praying for you and pray you will continue to get stronger each day. I love you Analene.

Love and Blessings,
Diane

Lady Jess said...

Wow, answer to prayer! I am glad that you are doing better. I have constantly been asking Mattie about you, and she keeps saying that you are doing better. Praise the Lord!

indueseason said...

Beautiful words.

Your attitude about this difficult time in your life will do more to teach your children about the grace and mercy of God than a thousand sermons ever could. They are blessed to have such a wonderful mama.

Keeping you all in our prayers and loving you . . . . .
Mrs. Neighbor

heidi said...

Oh Analene. Your precious words brought tears to my eyes. I too am thankful!

I've experienced once what you described with the birth of my first (needed 3 pints of blood while in recovery.) But I as I kissed her sweet, soft cheek, I knew things were bad for me and I faded in and out as I heard the surgeons & nurses panic periodically as they worked on me. I just remember thinking, I'm ready Lord and I thanked Him for being able to meet my baby. I thanked Him for life. And in all that I had an incredible amount of peace. Isn't our Lord AWESOME how He provides that gift of serene peace to us.

You are blessed! You are an encouragement to me.

love, heidi

Katrina said...

This and the post before this are both so beautifully written! Thank you for sharing.

My husband and I lost a child through miscarriage in July of '07 and have not been able to conceive since. It is heart wrenching but we keep praying and hope that the Lord will bless us again soon.

Momma Bug said...

Dearest Katrina,

Your words bless me. I feel humbled to know through experience, a tiny piece of grief that so many women suffer.
This was our second baby we have miscarried. My husband and I named our first babe Asarelah Eucharistia
Which means Contentment and remebrance of past mercies. The Lord was really teaching us contentment with that one. I wanted to name our little one - even though we never saw her (or him) just so we could always point to that time in our life where we saw God work in us.

We have yet to name this little one. We're working on it, and waiting on the Lord, but I will continue to tell the story as it unfolds, because I believe it important to declare the faithfulness of our God in my life.
As I have said before, I don't deserve any good thing I get. The Lord has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams, and what I have is His to take if He wants it.

I love Him.

Love, Analene

Grace McHugh said...

I am so thankful the Lord gave AJ the words to say and the peace that was given to you.